i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i really really hate the way everything is going now. nothing is going the way i was hoping it would.
nothing at all.
let's start with the basics - i have been SUFFERING and tormented by insomnia for the past week and no matter how hard i try to sleep, i just can't. so every night i sleep at like 2am and wake up at 6? my brain isn't functioning well at all. i hate it.
i have been quite annoyed with tests - econs, chem and bio. so much to study, and yet i will still fail. VERY BADLY. i hate it.
the 'o' level results have been postponed from friday to mon. more suspense. i hate it.
4sy class party is postponed to sat and it clashes with STJ(senior treat junior), so i can only choose one. i hate it.
why is everything turning out like that? it really shouldn't be this way. i should change my life.
i wanna be alone from everyone, isolated both physically and spiritually - leave me alone, life can only get better.
i really tried to make some improvements, but the surrounding doesn't help. the noises and pace keep whirling around me, round and round and round. it never stops, and i doubt it ever will. i thought i have learnt how to deal with it, but apparently not, but i guess i have to try, i must in the end anyway.
my thoughts seem to be in a mess, my brain is dying - it feels like it's being scorched and dried in the sun. i need an oasis. desperately. but it seems like even if i find one, it's just a mirage, an illusion.
do i sound very cynical? pessismistic perhaps? i don't know. life has to go on. that's what everyone says. i know that's the truth, and i will try my best to live like that. it's probably just a transition stage, but at this very moment, i wish i can just throw everything away and sit quietly alone. i really need time like that - but i know it's impossible. well, the thought is simply tempting, but the truth is not.
i kinda regret my decision, i wanna escape.
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